15 Days before Christmas....

T'was 15 days before Christmas and I was laying in bed

4:30AM and so much going through my head.

Painful contractions I was having- ten minutes apart

Oh boy- are we ready? It's about to start

 

Woke up my husband

and packed up the car

Headed to the hospital

which wasn't too far

 

Walking to the front door

and "Oh that was weird.."

I think I have peed on myself

Or at least that is what I feared.

 

Continued to walk

 only a few more feet

At the Labor and Delivery door

A nurse we did meet.

 

The Nurse said "Let's check ya"

"Oh yes, it has broke- call all your family

This is not a joke"

 

"Not sure what your plans were

for this 9th day of December

But it's going to be a sure

 day that you both remember!"

 

Andrew and I smiled

As tears began to stream.

Our prayers had been answered

On the 15th day before Christmas Eve.

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What I am learning in my 2 short weeks of Motherhood:

Wow, what a mixture of emotions. The above picture is MY favorite by far! Tears of joy kept flowing.. I clearly remember hearing the sound of myself weeping as they placed my baby on my chest (I have never heard myself sound like that while crying).. It was the weirdest thing ever but so amazing! Overwhelmed in a good way!

1. I have learned that teamwork in a marriage is very important. Andrew told me from the get go "I can't read your mind"- "If you need me to do something in particular- you will have to tell me"  (As a Communication major- I know that Communication is everything- yet sometimes I let Pride get in the way and I try to do things on my own. These days have taught me to lean on the man I married! Why not? I trust him with everything else. So I have learned that when I am feeding our son and I need his assistance- All I have to do is ask him. I am learning to not let pride get in the way- help is needed-- accept it with a smile!

2.  I have learned that I will have to start telling people no.. For the longest time I have been a people pleaser. No matter what someone asked me to do (projects, pick something up, take something somewhere, be at a birthday party etc) I would try to find a way to do it all. Even if it inconvenienced my already made plans. I remember once having to be in Hampton to do something one morning- driving back to Beaufort for a kids party- then back to Hampton for something that evening. People told me I was crazy- but I was just trying to make everyone else happy. I am slowing learning that I will have to tell people no- I have other priorities now.

3. I have learned that everyone will have an opinion-- All Mothers- will want to tell you how they did things, products they thought worked and those that they thought didn't, etc. As a new mom: I have learned to listen- yet- I have learned to remember that just because it worked for them does not mean that I have to do it or that it will work for me! I am learning how to take peoples advice with a smile- but do what Andrew and I think is best.

4. I have learned that Breast Feeding takes EXTREME dedication: I heard things like "It is going to hurt.. I gave up after a few days etc" But I knew going into this that I really wanted to try it. Well, It does hurt and I did want to give up. But I wasn't raised to be a quitter. Haha- At first it was awful and very frustrating (especially since I was sleep deprived) but it has gotten easier after the first 15 days.

5. I have learned that I am still learning!  We don't know all the answers and Yes, we might do things wrong or different than others... but... Andrew and I are learning together!

Ten things I have learned while Struggling to get Pregnant:

1. I have learned to never ask a woman--- "When are yall going to have kids?"- This is a question that I heard over and over again while I was struggling. To someone who doesn't know your situation its just a question. To someone who is struggling-- its a constant reminder! There was one time when someone kept on about it.. "It's about time yall had kids.. yall have been together forever!"... "When do you think yall will start trying?" "It's about time!!!"--- You never know what someone is going through.. watch your words.. they hurt!

2. Gods Timing is everything:  I am an "I want it now" type of person. My patience is few and far between! Yet when it comes to Gods plan.. I am helpless! He is an ON TIME God! Things will happen but in his timing.. No matter what they are! He says in:

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

**I am so glad He has a plan.. because mine never go through the way I want them to!

3. PRAYER works:  Sometimes I felt like I was praying and nothing was happening... Then I realized that my prayer life was very selfish.. I was praying for things I wanted or needed.. Not thanking God for what I already had! I am a firm believer that Prayers are always answered.. Some answers are YES, some are NO, and some are WAIT! But prayer works!

4. To pray with my husband:  Andrew and I would always say our prayers at night- individually- through this whole process we started praying together.. most of the time it was at dinner- but we would hold hands and pray- sometimes innocently forgetting to Thank him for the food.. we were so busy praying for other things.. This is something I am extremely grateful for. Praying with your spouse is amazing! I highly recommend it! It's like a whole new insight to what's on their heart! Powerful!

5. Communication is Key:  I double majored in Criminal Justice and Communication- so Communication has always been a cool topic for me. But it is easier said than done- especially when applying to your own marriage! I know how to talk to people- but when I was trying to relate my emotions to my husband I was holding some in. Through this entire process I learned how to "Let go.. and Let God". I learned how to express to Andrew that I wanted to sit down and talk to him. That I wanted to see a specialist. That I needed his support etc. That is hard to do (especially when you are trying to put on this TOUGH WOMAN façade) to the one person you don't want to look weak to. No matter what- Communication in a marriage is soooooo important. You can't go on, living a happy life together, if you don't know how to communicate.

6. Our Focus needs to change:  I once heard a preacher say "If you focus on your circumstances they will only get bigger- If you focus on Jesus your circumstances will get smaller". This is so TRUE! Too often we feel like we are Alone in this great big world. We feel like we are the only one going through this type of issue. We dwell on the problems that we have! If only we look to Jesus and focus on the BIG PICTURE will we see that we are wasting time worrying. The same preacher said "Problems that are over our heads.. are still under HIS feet"- wow, what a great way to tell us that we aren't in control. GOD IS!- We need to not be so focused on our issues that we forget our blessings! No matter what they are!

7. Mamas are friends: I knew I could always talk to my mom.. and mother in law.. but through all of this I was an open book to them! For goodness sake, they know how it is to - want to be a Mama- be a mama- etc. I sometimes told them things that they might not feel comfortable hearing from their daughter or daughter in law- yet I learned that these are constant women in my life and that's what they are there for! I checked in with them after doctors appointments etc (It's sometimes nice not to keep everything to your self- to have other women to share it with :) 

8. Bitterness hardens your Heart: Yes, I said it.. Bitterness! I am human just like the rest of you. Seeing people have what you want is hard. Seeing people who don't want or can't afford what you want is harder! I have learned to not be bitter towards those people. It's not their fault that I am struggling. True story: A young girl I know got pregnant.. Not married-- rough relationship- no means to care for the child on her on- etc. OUCH- slap me in the face... How easy it was for her to conceive yet I can't... BITTERNESS! Building up inside a Christian woman. Although I may not like her situation or agree with it- God doesn't make mistakes. I have learned to find happiness and peace through others situations. Not easy- it took time- and it enlightens the heart!

9. Not to complain:  I have seen so many people complain on facebook or other social media about being pregnant or other life issues etc. And yes, I do understand (now 9 months pregnant) that there are some things worth venting about.. Yet, God has BLESSED me with this miracle that I PRAYED for.. I will NOT complain about that!--- Relate this to your life.. Are there things that you are venting about- or complaining about that you shouldn't be? Honestly- we as humans do this all the time! We complain about things that are really blessings to us. Again its because we are humans and that is human nature!

10. God uses Situations to bring you closer to him: Not that I feel that God makes people struggle on purpose------ yet I do feel as if he uses your circumstances to bring you closer to him. Yes, most people have a time period where they turn from God during a struggle or tragedy. They question Him on why He does the things He does. Yet, I do feel like there is a time where we feel closer to God because of all we have gone through. It's like it took something to make us realize the bigger picture. Hard to explain- but think about your life- have you been through something that made you realize how precious LIFE was.. or how GOOD you really do have it etc? That same preacher once said "its not how you get through the storm or when will you come to a storm.. its how you STAND during the storm"  I have learned to turn TO GOD in times of need.. not run away.  We must keep our roots planted in God!!

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I know this has been a bunch of rambling-- but I hope at least one of these points touches your heart!

Its almost time~

As I am quickly approaching the due date of my first child.. I can't help but be overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions. I am excited to start this new journey... Nervous to enter motherhood (with all that comes with it)... Sad that some loved ones we have lost along the way will not be here to witness all of it.. etc. But one thing that I can honestly say.. Is: I am so excited to watch Andrew go through this whole journey..

I know that is random but I think that is what I am looking forward to the most. Those that know my husband know that he lost his amazing father when he was just 16 years old. Since then I remember being best friends with Andrew and him telling me how he couldn't wait to be a dad. He has always said that he can't wait to show his kids things that his Dad had shown him. I think this is why I was so excited to tell him he was going to be a Dad.

I think most can agree with me that as soon as they find out they are pregnant.. they see a whole new side to their husband. It's like they are no longer just your husband.. they are your child's father. Their face lights up in a whole new way. Their world gets bigger in a sense. They are now responsible for you and this little miracle inside of you.

I love seeing a whole new side of my husband. I have found a whole new love for him. I never thought that I could love him anymore than I already did.. But God showed me differently! I feel like we will have a whole new respect for one another. One that goes beyond a husband and a wife. I will respect him for always providing for our family, for taking up for me when our child back talks me, for tag teaming when it comes to raising up a respectful child for the next generation etc. I want him to show our children how to spit sunflower seeds, ride a bike, skin a deer, turn to the Bible in times of need etc.  And I want him to respect me in a whole new way too. Noticing the sleepless nights I have gone through, the long hours of work and baby time etc that I will put in...how I will teach him to respect ladies and be a gentleman... not to mention the birthing process!  I feel like we will walk away from this with a whole new appreciation for each other AND WE SHOULD! For the rest of our lives we should respect each other in a whole new light.

As stated before, I can't wait to watch him go through the entire journey. From the hospital delivery.. taking the baby home... changing diapers... experiencing sleepless nights together and more.. I wouldn't want to share this with anyone else but him :)

Quickly, from the start I saw a new refreshed man in my house. Not sure what it was but he was Glowing just as much as I was.
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Whether it be having a baby or just experiencing life together... I believe a husband and wife should find a respect for one another. One that isn't just "Thanks for taking out the trash"... If your spouse could see all the behind the scenes things that you do for them would it be worthy of their respect? I think so. (for example... Andrew pays all our bills because that would stress me out... I do all our grocery shopping and errand running- because he would have to call me a million times from the store..haha)..Not to mention, I fix the internet or anything else technical that breaks at our house...  It's the little things- Don't let them go unnoticed!

 Andrew and I read a book before we got married.. It was called 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman.. Basically it talks about how every ones "Love Tank" gets filled in a different way... Mine happens to be Quality time.. while Andrews is Words of Affirmation..  I highly recommend it to couples. Learn what fills your spouses love tank up. Learn to respect each other in ways that mean something to one another! Do you know what makes your spouse feel Loved?