Ten things I have learned while Struggling to get Pregnant:

1. I have learned to never ask a woman--- "When are yall going to have kids?"- This is a question that I heard over and over again while I was struggling. To someone who doesn't know your situation its just a question. To someone who is struggling-- its a constant reminder! There was one time when someone kept on about it.. "It's about time yall had kids.. yall have been together forever!"... "When do you think yall will start trying?" "It's about time!!!"--- You never know what someone is going through.. watch your words.. they hurt!

2. Gods Timing is everything:  I am an "I want it now" type of person. My patience is few and far between! Yet when it comes to Gods plan.. I am helpless! He is an ON TIME God! Things will happen but in his timing.. No matter what they are! He says in:

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

**I am so glad He has a plan.. because mine never go through the way I want them to!

3. PRAYER works:  Sometimes I felt like I was praying and nothing was happening... Then I realized that my prayer life was very selfish.. I was praying for things I wanted or needed.. Not thanking God for what I already had! I am a firm believer that Prayers are always answered.. Some answers are YES, some are NO, and some are WAIT! But prayer works!

4. To pray with my husband:  Andrew and I would always say our prayers at night- individually- through this whole process we started praying together.. most of the time it was at dinner- but we would hold hands and pray- sometimes innocently forgetting to Thank him for the food.. we were so busy praying for other things.. This is something I am extremely grateful for. Praying with your spouse is amazing! I highly recommend it! It's like a whole new insight to what's on their heart! Powerful!

5. Communication is Key:  I double majored in Criminal Justice and Communication- so Communication has always been a cool topic for me. But it is easier said than done- especially when applying to your own marriage! I know how to talk to people- but when I was trying to relate my emotions to my husband I was holding some in. Through this entire process I learned how to "Let go.. and Let God". I learned how to express to Andrew that I wanted to sit down and talk to him. That I wanted to see a specialist. That I needed his support etc. That is hard to do (especially when you are trying to put on this TOUGH WOMAN façade) to the one person you don't want to look weak to. No matter what- Communication in a marriage is soooooo important. You can't go on, living a happy life together, if you don't know how to communicate.

6. Our Focus needs to change:  I once heard a preacher say "If you focus on your circumstances they will only get bigger- If you focus on Jesus your circumstances will get smaller". This is so TRUE! Too often we feel like we are Alone in this great big world. We feel like we are the only one going through this type of issue. We dwell on the problems that we have! If only we look to Jesus and focus on the BIG PICTURE will we see that we are wasting time worrying. The same preacher said "Problems that are over our heads.. are still under HIS feet"- wow, what a great way to tell us that we aren't in control. GOD IS!- We need to not be so focused on our issues that we forget our blessings! No matter what they are!

7. Mamas are friends: I knew I could always talk to my mom.. and mother in law.. but through all of this I was an open book to them! For goodness sake, they know how it is to - want to be a Mama- be a mama- etc. I sometimes told them things that they might not feel comfortable hearing from their daughter or daughter in law- yet I learned that these are constant women in my life and that's what they are there for! I checked in with them after doctors appointments etc (It's sometimes nice not to keep everything to your self- to have other women to share it with :) 

8. Bitterness hardens your Heart: Yes, I said it.. Bitterness! I am human just like the rest of you. Seeing people have what you want is hard. Seeing people who don't want or can't afford what you want is harder! I have learned to not be bitter towards those people. It's not their fault that I am struggling. True story: A young girl I know got pregnant.. Not married-- rough relationship- no means to care for the child on her on- etc. OUCH- slap me in the face... How easy it was for her to conceive yet I can't... BITTERNESS! Building up inside a Christian woman. Although I may not like her situation or agree with it- God doesn't make mistakes. I have learned to find happiness and peace through others situations. Not easy- it took time- and it enlightens the heart!

9. Not to complain:  I have seen so many people complain on facebook or other social media about being pregnant or other life issues etc. And yes, I do understand (now 9 months pregnant) that there are some things worth venting about.. Yet, God has BLESSED me with this miracle that I PRAYED for.. I will NOT complain about that!--- Relate this to your life.. Are there things that you are venting about- or complaining about that you shouldn't be? Honestly- we as humans do this all the time! We complain about things that are really blessings to us. Again its because we are humans and that is human nature!

10. God uses Situations to bring you closer to him: Not that I feel that God makes people struggle on purpose------ yet I do feel as if he uses your circumstances to bring you closer to him. Yes, most people have a time period where they turn from God during a struggle or tragedy. They question Him on why He does the things He does. Yet, I do feel like there is a time where we feel closer to God because of all we have gone through. It's like it took something to make us realize the bigger picture. Hard to explain- but think about your life- have you been through something that made you realize how precious LIFE was.. or how GOOD you really do have it etc? That same preacher once said "its not how you get through the storm or when will you come to a storm.. its how you STAND during the storm"  I have learned to turn TO GOD in times of need.. not run away.  We must keep our roots planted in God!!

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I know this has been a bunch of rambling-- but I hope at least one of these points touches your heart!

Its almost time~

As I am quickly approaching the due date of my first child.. I can't help but be overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions. I am excited to start this new journey... Nervous to enter motherhood (with all that comes with it)... Sad that some loved ones we have lost along the way will not be here to witness all of it.. etc. But one thing that I can honestly say.. Is: I am so excited to watch Andrew go through this whole journey..

I know that is random but I think that is what I am looking forward to the most. Those that know my husband know that he lost his amazing father when he was just 16 years old. Since then I remember being best friends with Andrew and him telling me how he couldn't wait to be a dad. He has always said that he can't wait to show his kids things that his Dad had shown him. I think this is why I was so excited to tell him he was going to be a Dad.

I think most can agree with me that as soon as they find out they are pregnant.. they see a whole new side to their husband. It's like they are no longer just your husband.. they are your child's father. Their face lights up in a whole new way. Their world gets bigger in a sense. They are now responsible for you and this little miracle inside of you.

I love seeing a whole new side of my husband. I have found a whole new love for him. I never thought that I could love him anymore than I already did.. But God showed me differently! I feel like we will have a whole new respect for one another. One that goes beyond a husband and a wife. I will respect him for always providing for our family, for taking up for me when our child back talks me, for tag teaming when it comes to raising up a respectful child for the next generation etc. I want him to show our children how to spit sunflower seeds, ride a bike, skin a deer, turn to the Bible in times of need etc.  And I want him to respect me in a whole new way too. Noticing the sleepless nights I have gone through, the long hours of work and baby time etc that I will put in...how I will teach him to respect ladies and be a gentleman... not to mention the birthing process!  I feel like we will walk away from this with a whole new appreciation for each other AND WE SHOULD! For the rest of our lives we should respect each other in a whole new light.

As stated before, I can't wait to watch him go through the entire journey. From the hospital delivery.. taking the baby home... changing diapers... experiencing sleepless nights together and more.. I wouldn't want to share this with anyone else but him :)

Quickly, from the start I saw a new refreshed man in my house. Not sure what it was but he was Glowing just as much as I was.
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Whether it be having a baby or just experiencing life together... I believe a husband and wife should find a respect for one another. One that isn't just "Thanks for taking out the trash"... If your spouse could see all the behind the scenes things that you do for them would it be worthy of their respect? I think so. (for example... Andrew pays all our bills because that would stress me out... I do all our grocery shopping and errand running- because he would have to call me a million times from the store..haha)..Not to mention, I fix the internet or anything else technical that breaks at our house...  It's the little things- Don't let them go unnoticed!

 Andrew and I read a book before we got married.. It was called 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman.. Basically it talks about how every ones "Love Tank" gets filled in a different way... Mine happens to be Quality time.. while Andrews is Words of Affirmation..  I highly recommend it to couples. Learn what fills your spouses love tank up. Learn to respect each other in ways that mean something to one another! Do you know what makes your spouse feel Loved?

~Adoption~

Before Andrew and I found out we were expecting- while we were struggling- we read and read about adoption. We prayed and prayed about adoption-- we even researched adoption agencies!  We read the book 'Orphanology' by Tony Merida and David Platt --- WOW--- God had laid it on our hearts that if we couldn't conceive then we would just adopt. The bible and the book we read really brought it to our attention that WE WERE ALL ADOPTED by God! God adopted us into his family! We were lost and he opened up his arms and took us in. We should do the same thing!

Romans 8:14-16  explains just how we were adopted by God.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father. "For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children.


How awesome is that!

The Bible also tells us in
 
Psalm 68:5-6 -
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows-
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
God places the lonely in families;
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.
But he makes the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.


And when it comes to welcoming a new child in it states:
Matthew 18:5 
"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.

Adoption, I feel, comes straight from God. It takes special people to be able to open up their homes and hearts to love another like their own. We are told by God to do so.. SO why do we waiver when it comes to the topic? I know that God has placed adoption on our hearts for a reason. I firmly believe that in the future God will provide for us to adopt a child one day. I can't wait to see what God has in store for our little family! I highly recommend the book Orphanology to anyone contemplating adoption. It thoroughly relates how adoption is directly related in the gospel.. Such a great read!

Boy or Girl???

For a second- I thought it would be cool to not know if it was a boy or girl... But Andrew- HAD TO KNOW! So at 17 weeks we went to our Dr.'s appointment hoping they would tell us the sex of our little one. Immediately the Doctor knew! We both looked at each other as the doc told us! Tears filled our eyes! We would have been happy either way but knowing made it more real. Again.... we couldn't wait to share the news. This was totally Andrews Idea and I loved it!

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!

 

 

Our Due date is Christmas Eve! When the doctors told us that at 6 weeks we were in shock. My first thought was "The greatest Gift God ever gave this world was on Christmas"... Here we were not knowing how long it would take to have a baby and God was giving us one for Christmas!

 

As I stated before... God's timing is everything!  As Christmas is quickly approaching- I can't help but think about how I haven't done all my Christmas shopping this year... (My human instinct is that it doesn't feel like Christmas unless I have presents to put under the tree!) But God is reminding me this Christmas season that the true meaning of Christmas is CHRIST and the gift he gave to this dying world!.. My whole family is remembering this all over again. We have always known- yet we are being refreshed this Holiday season!  

 

Last year I tried to do 25 random acts of kindness in December. This was truly amazing! I paid for the car behind me in the drive thru (I gave a note to the cashier to give them) it said " This month I am trying to do 25 random acts of kindness because God made the ultimate act of kindness when He gave Jesus to this lost and dying world.. Merry CHRISTmas.. Please pay it forward).. I encourage you to remember the true meaning of the season this year.. Don't get caught up in shopping so much that you lose sight of the Holiday. Make your children give a toy to a child who needs one...teach them that it is good to give... not just to receive. ..  Donate some items or some food items to a pantry. GIVE- because God first Gave to us!

~Telling the World~

Because of what we had gone through- we decided that we would wait to tell the world that we were expecting. (HARD SECRET TO KEEP WHEN YOU ARE BUSTING FROM WITHIN)..

We did in fact tell our parents, family and best friends when we found out! Of course they were so excited for us and just as shocked as we were. As for the rest of the world- they found out at 12 weeks... One of my favorite verses in the bible now is 1st Samuel 1:27- "For this child I have prayed and God has granted me the desires of my heart"... I wanted to use this while announcing to the world that we were having a baby- because I know that this was a God thing! This baby was truly our gift from God! How could I not acknowledge that!?!?!

I stated in a past blog that through this whole experience I noticed my prayer life changing. That is a TRUE statement! I use to pray for Gods protection over my family and friends and for tedious things I thought were important. I once heard a song and a preacher say that God doesn't just want you to ask for things all the time! He wants you to talk to him as if he is your best friend! Thank him for what he is doing in your life!  My prayers quickly changed. I was no longer starting my prayers with "Dear Lord, Please...." I was starting with "Dear Lord, Thank you for...." On the way to work and on the way home were my prayer times with God. I would quickly jump in the car- turn OFF the radio and pray! Sometimes I would get all the way to work and realize that the radio was still off. I caught myself thanking God for EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that he had placed in my life... for blessing me and loving me when I didn't deserve it. I would then put my problems in his hands and ask for his help with me not holding on to them. Wow-- what a great feeling!  Starting this routine is something I don't think would have happened if we hadn't gone through what we had.

(I know there are many who have it way worse- I know there are people who have struggled with all sorts of issues larger than I can imagine.. Yet- I feel like my struggle can help someone see theirs in a new perspective)

 

Seeing Baby for the First Time~ 6 Weeks

Talk about crazy emotions! Tears began flowing as the Doctors said "See Mom and Dad, there is your baby!!!" Who would have known that something that looked like a boiled peanut to a Southern Girl would have such a huge impact. Andrew and I both sat in amazement. God surely did Bless us! That is simply what it was a BLESSING FROM GOD! The nickname "Peanut" took off.

This is such a great reminder that in Matthew 19:26 it is stated that "..With God all things are possible"... No matter what one is going through- we should never lose sight of this verse. Even when the odds were against us- the Doctors weren't very encouraging- or the Devil and the world were whispering in our ear.... we stayed focused on the fact that we serve a Mighty God.

Before all this happened I would listen to a few songs over and over-- One of them was "You are for me" by Kari Jobe. Here are a few of the lyrics:

 

 So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

 



 



 

I love the end of the chorus... "To remind me who you are".. Sometimes I think we forget. We forget to BE STILL and KNOW THAT HE IS GOD! There are so many daily reminders yet we overlook them! Challenge for today: Everywhere you look be reminded.... 

 

 

 

 

 

~How I told Andrew~

Well since it was a Saturday I had someone call me in a BLOOD test.. Andrew has always said " I don't want to know until its on paper and you are 100%!" So I went and had my blood drawn and sat there and waited what seemed like forever! Once the Lab tech came out and said Congrats... I HUGGED HER! Yes, I did!! I am not lying about that!

We were supposed to eat dinner with my parents so I tried to rush them through eating.. I also rushed through cleaning the kitchen so we could go home!

Upon getting home Andrew jumped in the shower- I then started his Scavenger hunt. 
When he got out of the shower I handed him a note- which had a little riddle that led him to the refrigerator... In the refrigerator he found a Reece's with a Note that said "I thought I was just addicted to them but I don't think that I am... Look beside your bed to find out why"...

He was then led to a table on his side of the bed. There was another note that explained to him that I thought I knew how much I loved him... He had been my childhood best friend, my next door neighbor, my boyfriend and my husband.. but Today God showed me that I could love him more.. because he was going to be my child's Father... Under his note was the 3 test I had taken.. and the blood results of course!  

Talk about a man falling to pieces! Our hearts were humbled that God had provided for the need that we had been praying for! He didn't say no.. he was telling us to wait!

Waiting is the hardest thing that I think we had experienced. Seeing so many around you having children so fast and easy was hard. While being happy for them you catch yourself being bitter inside.... -- I kept trying to remember a quote I heard from Pastor Perry Noble.. He said "If we focus on our Circumstances... They get bigger... But if we turn our focus on Jesus.. our Circumstances get smaller"...

That is my advice when it comes to waiting--- focus on the big picture: Jesus! He had a plan- that was bigger than what we could ever imagine!

Bracelet I had made to remind me that I needed to pray more... and worry less!!! God can handle things on his own.. he doesn't need my help!  Phil 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving present your requests to God".