Dear Mother of a Toddler

 Dear Mother of a Toddler,

 So yesterday I know you stood in the mirror looking at the bags under your eyes. You probably  saw the very pale (once tan) girl you used to be. Most likely you saw hair that needed to be washed and clothes that had marks from where your child had wiped his mouth on your shoulder. You sadly looked down to notice toe nails that had the same chipped polish on them that they had 7 months earlier. You probably looked back up with tears in your eyes and wondered.... Where is she? Where is the woman I used to be?



Don't get me wrong You love your life. You love your husband. Your job. Your child etc. But slowly you do not like the woman that you see in the mirror. The woman you see in the mirror probably looks as if she has it all together to the outside world- but inside you feel as if you are falling apart.



Little by little you are losing sight of the girl you are... or at least the girl you used to be. It’s as if LIFE has taken over and you can't find her. You feel as if you have been robbed of your inner being and she is lost.



You wonder will you ever find her again? Will you ever be the fun, energetic girl you once were? Because right now you feel like that girl is nowhere to be found.



And since she is lost- You feel like You are letting down your husband- because he lost the woman he fell in love with. Maybe that's why you haven't had a date night in so long. Maybe that's why you feel as if you are begging for quality time. A little piece of you doesn’t blame him for not wanting to be around you. Who would? Have you seen what you are looking at?



You want to be happy with yourself again. You just don't know how to achieve it. You are worn out-Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Drained to the max. Like every new day is starting to become a challenge that you have to tackle on its own. Filled with Hurtles that you are constantly trying to overcome.



Deep down you knew that by becoming a wife and mother your life would change. I guess you never thought that you would lose the old you in the process. You didn't realize that sitting down to eat would consist of not eating because your child wants you to feed them. Or that bath time would most likely be your child bathing and you missing a shower because by the time its
“your turn” you are too tired to even think about it. You didn’t realize that  dinner would be a hassle every night because your child won't let you put them down- which makes you just want to throw in the towel on dinner all together. Which isn’t fair to your husband or yourself but at this point in life- who needs dinner? You didn't realize that everything you did from now on had to be "hurried".



There are days you want to go sit in the bath tub- just to sit. Days you want to hide under the covers- just to hide. You are so torn because you want to be around family and friends but at the same time- you want to be left alone.

Can you say lack of motivation? You feel like you are merely going through motions that are becoming so routine.

 Where is she? If you could just find her you feel as if everything would go back to normal.

You even wonder if other people see her anymore- or is it just you?

 

Well… Believe it or not… The woman you are trying to find… People see her every time they look at you! They love the girl that you were, the woman you are now, and the woman they see you becoming! You may not notice it- but they notice it.

They see a determined woman who puts others first. They see the Beauty that you are desperately searching for. You see the bags under your eyes and they see the glow. You see the pale skin and they see past it to the heart of Gold. You see the chipped polish and they see the hard working hands.

It may feel like your world is falling apart slowly- but to tell you the truth- you are holding the whole world in your hands when you rock that baby to sleep at night. The hair appointments nail appointments, gym, clothes and sleep will come in time- for now- your world needs you- all of you.

Just remember- when you look in the mirror- other people see more than what you are looking at!  There are women who are praying to be in your shoes. There are others who don’t appreciate your shoes. And there are some- who totally understand it. 
You are more than just a meal prepper..
diaper changer...
laundry folder..
grocery buyer..
baby bather..
husband tender..
full time job goer...
You are Woman…
You are a MOM!

And a dang good one!

1 Peter 3:3-4 Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a women who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Song of Solomon 4:7 You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

2 Corinthians 4:16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

1 Samuel 16:7 God does not view things the way men do. People look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

 

 

~Little Moments~

This morning I was rushing... In my head I kept yelling at myself, "You know you need to wake up earlier, You know you have a longer drive to town now, You are going to get fired!"... Then I woke my little boy up (which I hate having to do). He immediately sneezed and started laughing! Right then I remembered that it is the little moments that mean the most!

I grabbed my coffee, my purse, the diaper bag and the baby and rushed out the door. Half way to the sitters house I heard a little Yawn from the backseat- I turned around and said " I WUV EWW" in his language and he gave me a smile (while pacifier was still in his mouth). Again, I was reminded that nothing at the moment mattered except the moment at hand.

It is crazy how when life gets hectic, the bills pile up, and things just aren't going the way you want them- the little moments happen that bring you back to what is really important!

Every Moment with Him and my husband is in slow motion. Its like the world is speeding past us and we are moving like slugs- I love it though- When I am rushed.. rushed...rushed.. then all of a sudden God puts a Caution- Flashing Light over them.

These are the moments I live for. They are the reason I work so hard- They are the reason I pay the bills and take on the side jobs.  But while with them- Nothing else matters! And time slows down...

~ I am not sure if it is the fact that it took so long to get pregnant with Auston.. Or the fact that Doctors told me that there was a 2% chance... But EVERYTHING he does... is HUGE to me! Every SMILE, every LAUGH, every new "trick" as Andrew calls it... I don't take any of it for granite!!

My encouragement for you today is to SLOW DOWN. When your kids are calling your name- to the point its annoying... stop and listen... go outside and play with them- schedule a lunch date if they are older... When your husband or wife needs to talk to you- STOP what you are doing and Talk... It's in those moments that you will realize or REMEMBER that nothing else matters! Everything else can wait!

Let Life throw up a CAUTION~ Take the time to be PRESENT in every moment, every laugh, every new "Trick" that may come your way!

What do your "Hats" look like?

So I woke up this morning as Katie the Wife. Snuggled up to my husband in the comfort of our Bed. My alarm clock woke me up- gratefully- but not long after.... the coo's of my Son made me exit the warmth of the covers. Now the Mother in me greeted him, changed his diaper, and started preparing things for the babysitter. (All the while trying to dress myself and prepare for my other FULL TIME job).

This is so normal to me that it doesn't take any special planning. It's second nature to go from one Role to the next. Then it dawned on me. We (all humans I guess), have so many different hats that we wear. Some more than others- based on their jobs, passions, skill level, etc. But in one given day my role can go from Wife to Mother, Prevention Specialist to Fundraiser Planner, Craft Teacher to Sunday School Teacher. Not to mention the (daughter, sister, friend roles) when people call to want to do lunch, dinner, hang out etc.  Sometimes I don't know whether I am coming or going (not sure if everyone thinks that about me too or not).------Hope not!

But the other day I was presented with an opportunity- One that in one role would be okay- but the other role- it would be a conflict. This had me thinking about how many different roles one can have at one time- and how it is important, no matter what role you are in, to stay true to yourself, your morals and your values.

For instance- If I were going to pitch an idea to a school about a program that I offered- I would look at it from the different Hats that I wear. I would not only see it as my JOB- But I would see it as a PARENT to one of the students- or as the SUNDAY SCHOOL teacher to one of the students. (By doing this- 1.) I will be more effective at what I do. 2.) I will have more passion for the subject 3.) Others will see that passion in me.

Some people tell me- Girl, I don't know WHEN or IF you sleep- You are in to so many different things!!! And yes, They are right, I am. But when Katie does something- or takes on a different HAT- I do it with everything that I have in me. I don't just wear a visor (and do things half way) I put that hat on and pull my pony tail through (If you know what I mean).

Sometimes I feel that people must look at their HAT collection and make sure that none of them are dusty, falling apart, or need to be thrown out. What I mean by this is....... Are there roles in your life that you let take a back burner because the PASSION is no longer there? Are there roles in your life that you miss yet haven't made time for? (this can be relationships with a wife/husband/ child or other family member)? Or are there roles in your life that you are merely involved in because you have to be- and its time to step down?

I believe if something is worth doing- then its worth doing right the first time. (Put your whole heart into what you are doing) If you can't.... then why are you doing it?

Ask yourself: "What Hats do I wear?"------- "Is it time to clean out the closet?" "Am I ready for another Hat?"

Your different "HAT'S" or Roles shouldn't conflict with your morals or values. You should still be you no matter what role you are playing.

If Katie can't be Katie- then Katie ain't going!

Examine your roles-clean out your closet of hats or by all means go shopping for some new ones!

~The Devil Wears Prada~

As I tried on clothes the other day~ I lost it right there in the dressing room. My body is not the same as it once was. My hips are a little wider, thighs a little thicker, tummy more bloated, etc. While I am totally okay with that- because I prayed for the miracle that stretched my body into what it now is, I cried because I am not like others I see.- and not to mention; we as women are EMOTIONAL creatures!

So often I see women come into the gym that have the perfect body- they make it look so easy to be Beautiful- I wonder to myself: "WHY ARE THEY HERE??" - oh yea... to keep that perfect body!

I see women at meetings I go to for work. Perfectly dressed in todays latest fashions, stylish shoes, gorgeous jewelry, and the nicest, shiniest hair dos. I immediately feel out of place.

 My clothes are the same clothes I have worn for years, I am at the gym because I NEED to be at the gym, My wedding rings are usually the only jewelry this woman wears, and my hair.... oh GOD.. my hair... yea, I will make an appointment when I get around to it!

Talk about overwhelming! Yes, it is true- we are our own worst critics.

 In my head I have the Angel on my shoulder that tells me "It's okay Girl, You just had a baby not to long ago, it takes time! You look great etc. But my worst enemy, in my head, is the Devil.--- And to me.. the Devil wears Prada! I hear "Get rid of your old clothes, go shopping for new ones, don't buy them bigger, lose weight, don't wear that its not your size anymore, you aren't up to societies standards, get with the times girl!!

But then I realized-

Before becoming a mom- I didn't worry about these types of things... I didn't worry about the latest fashions- I didn't worry about hitting the gym hard because I was always into sports- I didn't worry about the nicest jewelry or having the perfect hair!--- but now when my eyes meet a woman who looks as if she has it all together- I immediately notice my flaws.
 I guess now days I feel that way because I am not covered in designer clothes or perfume; I am covered in spit up!
Not to mention, the bags under my eyes for lack of sleep- The shirts I wear aren't very stylish- most likely they are baggy to cover up my not so flat stomach. And I am wearing Jeans in the summer because my legs aren't as small as I would like them!

 I may not have it all together on the outside. I may not turn heads when I walk by but I am trying to be okay with that.

 "Take me as I am" is my new way of thinking. Not that I am going to LET MYSELF GO, but take me as I am or don't take me at all!

Why yes, I do think it is important to take care of oneself and look presentable. But sometimes I feel that people get caught up in the materialistic things of the world that don't really matter!

I have come to realize that If worn out jeans, a spit up t-shirt, and thrown up hair aren't acceptable- then I probably won't be there---

If I HAVE to get a babysitter in order to attend an event- then most likely its not an event for me.

I have found more joy in the tiniest human being than some will ever find in clothes, jewelry or hair. So the next time I am running around like a chicken- and my eyes meet a Beautiful woman who looks like she should be on a runway. I will smile- Smile for the Beauty she has on the outside.. and the Beauty I have on the inside!

I teach girls everyday that someone's Character and Personality is what makes her Beautiful- Today, I will try harder to practice what I preach! I will try harder to listen to the Angel on my shoulder than the Devil that is strutting Prada.

Relationship v. Argument

The other day I was complaining about something to my husband. To tell you the truth, I was finding fault in many things he did... or didn't do. The house was a mess, I had lots to do and there was lots that needed to be done. I was stressed and I was taking it out on him. One thing led to another and before I knew it... we were arguing.

You know, that moment when you are so extremely mad at the one person you love more than anything in this world. I was puffing so hard! Almost so mad that my eyes were crossing. Our argument was to the point where after about 30 minutes of going back and forth- I couldn't even tell you what started the whole thing. SAD HUH? When you are so mad yet can't remember what started it!?

Then it dawned on me.

If I am so mad.. that I don't even know why I am mad... then why am I so mad about it? THAT JUST MADE ME MORE MAD! I started thinking of all the time I had wasted being picky about every little thing. Then I thought... Which do I value more? The Relationship or the Argument?

Don't get me wrong. There are times when standing up for what is right- is the right thing to do. Then there are times when pressing the issue on something YOU feel is RIGHT.. is NOT called for. My husband and I discuss EVERYTHING- We probably talk more than your average couple. Most of our conversations are informative on how work is going or what our plans for the day or week are... but sometimes our conversations are more intense- Yes emotions get involved-- I AM A FEMALE- but there are times when I must sit back and determine if it is a good time to stand firm or stand down.

 In Marriage, we must learn the difference. There will be times when things don't go our way. There will also be times when we want to express to our spouse the feelings that we have. My personal advice is...no matter what-- whether we stand firm or stand down-------> We must always VALUE the RELATIONSHIP more than the argument.

I feel sometimes we get caught up in our own emotions that we value the argument more. We don't care what gets said or who gets hurt as long as we get our point across. Slowly.. Marriages deteriorate because Arguments get more Value.

My personal goal this week is to place my spouse above any argument or discussion we may have. Yes, I will still express my feelings to him- But I am a firm believer that ANYTHING can be said nicely. My goal is to "talk" through everything.
If I feel we are getting no where- We will just agree to disagree- and resume later. No need to get loud, get stressed, and off track. (don't want to go back to not knowing what started the argument).

So my question to you is.. Do you value your relationship more than you value your arguments? If so, then I recommend you try the same thing. Try to be more conscious about your discussions. Remember, you are mad at the one person you are supposed to love with all of your heart! What argument could be more important than them??

Can you imagine how strong marriages would be if both the husband and the wife valued each other MORE than the disagreements they may have?

~Beautiful Disaster~

The average woman hears she is Beautiful, yet doesn't believe it.
 It's not that she thinks she is ugly.
She just doesn't feel worthy enough to be called "Beautiful".

"Why?" We ask... Because Society has told us that the "Beautiful" woman... is a supermodel that has long sleek legs, stringy yet perfect hair, perky lips, eye lashes for days, abs of steel, the perfect chest, and a petite figure. Heck, you see the "perfect woman" everywhere you look in magazines and billboards.

How discouraging! So often Society puts us down before we even have a chance. You can hear "you are beautiful" at home, or from parents, a spouse, or friend.. Yet, In your head all you see is a list of things you want or feel you need to improve: your weight, your muscle tone, your hair, your face etc.

It hurts... It makes you feel less than you really are. Makes you feel Un-loveable.. But the Truth is... There is a MAN that loves you just the way you are!

In Psalms 139: 13-15, God tells us that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made".. We may not like how we look- or there may be something about ourselves that we wish we could change.. yet, GOD... He made us the way He wanted us! We were CREATED by the Master. How awesome is that... He created us in our Mothers womb... He knew our features before the WORLD knew our features. He Loved us before we had a chance to Hate ourselves.

So often I feel that women lose sight that "Beauty" really comes from within. I once heard a quote that went something like this.. "A pretty face will grow old.. A nice Body will change with age... But a Good woman.. will always be a GOOD WOMAN!" Wow... What a reminder~ Society can tell us that Beauty is a LOOK that we all wish we can achieve yet God tells us otherwise.

 In Proverbs 31:30 He tells us that "Charm is deceitful and Beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised!"

Just know that God thinks you are Beautiful. You may find your "flaws" that you wish you could change. You may think or feel that in the eyes of this world you are nothing but a disaster. But try to retrain your way of thinking. The next time you are feeling down about your self (no matter what it is) think of whatever it is as a Beauty Mark given to you by God. In his eyes.. You are Loveable and you are Worthy. Find your Beauty in God.. not in this corrupt Society!

~My Weakness~

Is it just me or do other Mothers out there hear their alarm clocks frantically screaming in the morning, roll over, and think "I just did this!!!"

It seems like everyday is filled with events that keep me away from my family- keep me busy and on my toes. I come home- go to bed and repeat! On any given day I can go from teaching a class at the Detention Center to teaching middle School Students about Leadership and Communication- then Go teach a craft class or take a class from the gym- From one extreme to another!

Sometimes I feel guilty- Although I am doing what I can to provide for my family or every now and then fitting in a workout to better myself- I feel like I am an absent wife or mom. Guilt is something I let control me. It is my weakness!

Someone once told me that I am a PEOPLE PLEASER- and that I needed to learn to Please myself!

HA- Easier said then done!

What is pleasing to me? That's not hard- God, Family, and friends! Sometimes I get so carried away with helping others that I forget to help myself. I let my priorities take the back burner. (My family and friends may not see it or agree with it- yet I feel it).. ----Remember (that "G" word= GUILT).

It haunts me- it makes my heart beat faster than it needs to- it causes tension to build up in my shoulders, neck, and head. It makes my hair turn colors and causes deep valleys under my eyes.

Priorities should be just that- Priorities! I was told the other day that I just need to start telling people "NO".. That's another weakness of mine! But I am making a pact to start trying! Slowly but surely I will limit myself. You only live once right. I need to make the best of my time with my family while I have it!

Are you losing sight of your priorities? Do you catch yourself stuck on "repeat"? Is Guilt something you are encountering when you spend more time working and doing things for others than you do for yourself? If so, then maybe it is time for you to slow down as well! Remember- You can't people please all the time- (without being selfish) you must learn to please yourself! Don't let the hecticness of life rob you of your joy!